January 15, 2016<\/p>\n
This, this is the hardest thing I have ever done: living my daily life right now. <\/span>And yet my days are flanked by the sweetest of moments. <\/span>They are ever so brief; but I am able to capture minutes of solitude before the twins awake and after all the kids are in bed. <\/span>It is in these moments that I can see: \u201cit is worth it.\u201d I am tired and I am worn. More tired and worn than I have ever been and in a way that one cannot anticipate until it is present. <\/span>I get worn out in so many capacities. <\/span>My body aches from nursing my babes, from being so deconditioned, from lack of sleep. <\/span>My morale plummets on days that are sleep deprived or filled with Allison\u2019s incessant cries. <\/span>I feel like adult company is so elusive and all I am right now is \u201cmom.\u201d <\/span>And then I see how beautiful it is to be \u201cmom.\u201d How precious my babes are. <\/span>And I do not want to forget these moments in the trenches that push me to my max; for, within them, if I look, there is incomparable beauty. <\/span>It is not my hair, it is not my body that are beautiful. <\/span>It\u2019s not my house, not even my children. <\/span>But it is how present I am in these moments. <\/span>It is demanded of me. <\/span>There are days I want to quit. <\/span>There are days I want to give up. <\/span>There are days there is simply no energy left to cry; but surely if there were I would be a sobbing mess. <\/span>Yet, here at my computer, as I give up precious moments of sleep to reflect, it is beauty that surrounds me. <\/span>My Christmas tree still up mid January that reminds me of the joy my 3 year old had this year celebrating. <\/span>The spit up on my couches, the dishes on my counter, the laundry folded but not put away for days that tells the story of real life. <\/span>My words that don\u2019t string together as eloquently as I\u2019d like showing that my head is foggy from an exhausting day. <\/span>And the rounds I\u2019m about to take to check on each of my precious children. <\/span>Today I\u2019ve done a good job. <\/span>This I must remind myself of. <\/span>And in the beauty of this moment, realizing this is the hardest thing I have ever done I can see this is also the most worthwhile thing I have ever done. <\/span>Indeed, how I cherish these moments when I can remember why these crazy days are so worthwhile. <\/span>Rayna, Garrett, Allison, never forget that your momma loves you. <\/span><\/div>\n<\/b><\/i><\/u><\/sub><\/sup><\/strike><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"January 15, 2016 This, this is the hardest thing I have ever done: living my daily life right now. And yet my days are flanked by the sweetest of moments. They are ever so brief; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-167","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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