{"id":199,"date":"2011-07-06T03:45:00","date_gmt":"2011-07-06T03:45:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cherylrostek.com\/index.php\/2011\/07\/06\/psalm-139-and-then-some\/"},"modified":"2011-07-06T03:45:00","modified_gmt":"2011-07-06T03:45:00","slug":"psalm-139-and-then-some","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cherylrostek.com\/index.php\/2011\/07\/06\/psalm-139-and-then-some\/","title":{"rendered":"Psalm 139 and then some"},"content":{"rendered":"

If you don’t already know that I would love to write a non-fiction book, today should clarify that intention! It’s a lengthy post, but Mmmm life is too good not to share \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

Today I read again Psalm 139. <\/span>It is on my reading track for June 21, but I have fallen behind and so I read it a few days ago. <\/span>I pick up my bible again. <\/span>I admit my moments in the bible and in prayer have been sparse these days. <\/span>But I revisit this Psalm. <\/span>It is a good one. Let me share God\u2019s words and my own.<\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

O Lord you have examined my heart and you know everything about me. <\/span>You know when I sit down or stand up. <\/span>You know my every thought when far away.<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

My God is so incredibly present in my life, even in the days when I scarcely acknowledge His existence. <\/span>He takes my heart on as His own. <\/span>He knows what vies for my time. <\/span>He knows what challenges my balance. <\/span>He knows the struggles of my mind and the struggles of my hands. <\/span>He knows that which I don\u2019t take time to think about because I don\u2019t want to elucidate the thought. <\/span>He knows what breaks my heart and He sees the simple joys of life that bless my soul. <\/span>My God is present in my workday, He is present in my trail run, He is present when I scramble to make supper, He is present when I kiss my husband goodnight.<\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

You chart the path ahead of me and tell me where to stop and rest. <\/span>Every moment you know where I am. <\/span>You <\/span>know what I am going to say even before I say it, LORD.<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

My God charts my path. <\/span>He charts this path that looks so questionable to me. <\/span>He charts this path that doesn\u2019t make sense. <\/span>And why is this good? <\/span>This is good because it means the God that controls the laws of the universe, is guiding my trajectory. <\/span>It is good because it means that when I just don\u2019t seem to know about the future I don\u2019t have to worry about having the answers; when I feel lost I can know that I am never lost because my path is determined by the One who breathed human life into existence.<\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

You both precede and you follow me. <\/span>You place Your hand of blessing on my head. <\/span><\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

God wants to bless me. <\/span>Over and over the last few months God has spoken in whispers, in steady voices, in strong resonations: I want to bless you, Cheryl, my child! <\/span>My grandmother said to me, in front of the whole congregation, at my baptism: Your God will never leave you or forsake you. <\/span>My God has preceded me. <\/span>And I have the confidence, the assurance that He will follow me into the lives I will touch. <\/span>So I ask tonight of my God, \u201cPour Your blessings into my life! <\/span>I open my arms and I look to the heavens and I ask You to rain Your blessings in and through me. <\/span>Saturate me. <\/span>Soak me with your blessings that anyone who sees me will see that I have been blessed. <\/span>Let me drip with your merciful blessings.\u201d <\/span>I thank my God for His desire to bless me; I think myself small and then I remind myself of course I am small, I am a child, but I am GOD\u2019S child.<\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too great for me to know!<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

How I struggle with my friends who battle infertility. <\/span>It doesn\u2019t make sense, does it? <\/span>But even though God has my path mapped out and knows my heart and wants to bless me, what that looks like, is too incomprehensible. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

I can never escape from your spirit! <\/span>I can never get away from your presence! <\/span>If I go up to heaven, you are there; If I go down to the place of the dead you are there. <\/span>If I ride the wings of the morning, if I dwell by the farthest oceans, even there you hand will guide me and your strength will support me. <\/span>I could ask the darkness to hide me and the light around me to become night- but even in darkness I cannot hide from you. <\/span>To you the night shines as bright as day. <\/span>Darkness and light are both alike to you.<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

No wonder God\u2019s ways don\u2019t make sense. <\/span>God can penetrate the darkness. <\/span>Darkness cannot be dark when God is present, and God is present with me wherever I go. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother\u2019s womb. <\/span>Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! <\/span>Your workmanship is marvelous- and how well I know it. <\/span>You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. <\/span>You saw me before I was born. <\/span>Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

Oh the preciousness of life in the womb! <\/span>At this <\/span>I cry out that God would knit a child in my womb, a child that I can love and raise to love God! <\/span>I love to teach and I long to watch my children learn to love their Jesus as their Savior. <\/span>I long for children that, even with my awful singing voice, I can teach to sing God\u2019s praises. <\/span>I long to have children that can themselves teach me, their mother, about God\u2019s love and His simple joys and blessings. <\/span>I long for children that will show me what really matters. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

I pause. <\/span>I get teary eyed here. <\/span>I know I want to be a mom, but as I think about the day I got to spend with my niece and my nephew, and the joy and curiosity of my 3 year old nephew and the preciousness of these vital years for him to learn, when I think of this and the family (sandwich) hug Ryan and I gave him before bed, and when I put my words on paper, well, I really<\/i> know I want to be a mom.<\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my thoughts. <\/span>Point out anything in me that offends you, and lead me along the path of everlasting life.<\/o:p><\/i><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

There is much for me in the present day. <\/span>Time marches on month by month. <\/span>And over these months blessing fill me. I thank God for these moments of opportunity to remind myself why I want to be a mom. <\/span>In the loss and the waiting, I haven\u2019t taken time to listen to my heart, my mom-heart. <\/span>Not being a mom, I can forget what compels me, because I get locked in the world without children. <\/span>It is easier to live in that world. <\/span>Indeed, it is the world I have lived in for 29 years and it a world that hasn\u2019t disappointed me. <\/span>It has not disappointed me. <\/span>Oh the blessings I have received in my little life!!! <\/span>I am so thankful for my beautiful husband of 9 years. <\/span>I have a marriage united in friendship, adventure, love, respect, and a mutual love for God our Saviour. <\/span>I am so thankful for my awesome community. <\/span>I have shared already about the joys of relationship in this place of Chilliwack<\/st1:place><\/st1:city> and beyond. <\/span>Similarly, I am thankful for my great relationships with my family. <\/span>As we came home from Okotoks we both felt this compelling desire to spend as much time as possible with our family. <\/span>I am so thankful for my wonderful job. Oh how blessed I am to have opportunity to receive not 1 but 2 University degrees. <\/span>I am so thankful for my education and for my opportunity to be (hopefully!) a good leader at work to my coworkers, and to make a difference in the lives of my patients. <\/span>I wait to be a mom, but oh as I wait the life of today is lush with blessings if I take time to look at them.<\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

I am reading this book 1000 gifts <\/u> <\/span>by Ann Koskamp. <\/span>It\u2019s all about looking at the ordinary moments in life and seeking out the beautiful in them. <\/span>We are surrounded by moments of wonder if we choose to look for them. <\/span>Life is made up of ordinary moments sprinkled with extraordinary. <\/span>Capture those moments by living in them and loving them.<\/o:p><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

So on that note I thank God for the moment yesterday where I paused on the pathway to watch the leaves flutter beautifully in the wind. <\/span>They danced on their short stems dazzling me. <\/span>Simple. <\/span>Beautiful. <\/span>Ordinary. <\/span><\/p>\n

<\/o:p><\/p>\n

And so, it is good to reflect on ever wise scripture (oh to meet David in heaven!), it is good to remember why I want to be a mom, it is good to look at the blessings granted me thus far, and it is good to look for the simple blessings of today. <\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If you don’t already know that I would love to write a non-fiction book, today should clarify that intention! 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