{"id":73,"date":"2018-05-09T19:13:00","date_gmt":"2018-05-09T19:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cherylrostek.com\/index.php\/2018\/05\/09\/mri\/"},"modified":"2018-05-09T19:13:00","modified_gmt":"2018-05-09T19:13:00","slug":"mri","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/cherylrostek.com\/index.php\/2018\/05\/09\/mri\/","title":{"rendered":"MRI"},"content":{"rendered":"
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(FYI: MRI results tomorrow, I wrote this post last week on the day of my MRI)<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
MRI<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
Here I am waiting for my MRI.  I’ve started to despise coming to this hospital.  As the frequency widens my dislike seems to increase.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
The institution. The bright lights.  The beige floors.  The hospital-ness of it all.  I want to run away.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
Funny thing when I first started coming here daily for my radiation treatments I liked it.  It was a break, oh the much needed break I had needed for months– a break from mothering.  <\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
And it felt reminiscent of working on campus at the cancer center research lab as a biochemistry university student.  I pretended this was my new job and as I navigated the building for treatment and various follow up I felt young and free, I suppose.  A strange freedom, perhaps a coping mechanism.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
Humph.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
And as I enter the MRI scanner tube prepared to be still, hoping this post nasal drip from my cold won’t be too bothersome.  Strangely, I feel peace.  It’s stillness and I sing “oh God you are my God and I will ever praise you…” In my head, a song by Rich Mullens that somehow became the song I would sing in my head when I used to do yoga.  In the backdrop is the clunking of the machine.  It\u2019s seemingly speaking: “dup dup dup.” “Meek Merk Merk.” Whhiirr, whhiirr.”. And I find stillness within. My body is still, but my heart has also found rest. <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I envision <\/span>Hawaii<\/span><\/st1:place><\/st1:state>.  <\/span>I chuckle. In preparing for the birth of my first child I had planned to envision the serene ocean and the rhythmic waves during labor (we even had relaxing ocean waves playing in the background).  <\/span>Envisioning Hawaiian beaches did NOTHING <\/b>to help alleviate and manage my labor pain; but, picturing those beaches today does wonders to relax me into my MRI experience. <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I envision I\u2019m at Luna float.  <\/span>Luna float is a business recently opened in my neighborhood.  <\/span>You pay around $100 for an hour and a half of floating in a hyper-salt saturated tub.  <\/span>I don\u2019t anticipate I\u2019ll ever go, but I see the value: forced relaxation.  <\/span>I pretend my MRI tube is a Luna Float tub.  <\/span>I mellow.  <\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I pray.  <\/span><\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I relax.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I relax and remember the fear that used to overcome my mind surrounding MRIs; the fear of all the \u201cifs\u201d and the wondering, oh the agonizing wondering. In that fear there was no peace.  <\/span>In that fear I tried to pray; but I was gripped.  <\/span>To think of <\/span>Hawaii<\/span><\/st1:place><\/st1:state> and Luna Float, well that would have been laughable.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
But not today.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
 <\/span>Why? Because I am choosing to believe that it will be okay.  <\/span>That no matter what the doc says next week, it will be okay.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I’m choosing to make the most of my 40 minutes of necessitated stillness.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
And I emerge<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
Renewed.   <\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
And yet the first thought in my head is: the tech wasn’t very chipper as she helped me out, maybe there’s bad news. (I’ve had various encounters before, it means nothing….)  <\/span>I tell this thought to shut up.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n
I choose to enjoy this sunny day I’ve been given.  No, I’m not going to hang around the hospital any more than I need to, but I am going to keep looking up. Always.<\/o:p><\/span><\/div>\n

<\/span><\/div>\n

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<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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