How to live an unmanageable life
“Maybe life isn’t meant to be manageable.” I scrawl the thought on my journal page. My husband is out of town and I’ve just returned from dropping my daughter off at 7:15am jazz band practice.
I’m exhausted.
And I’ve been writing in my memoir about the unmanageability of brain cancer treatment plus mothering littles.
Cumulatively it feels like too much.
I sit at my desk with my coffee for a few moments longer before its time to walk my other daughter to school. Onto the page I muse:
maybe life isn’t meant to be manageable. It’s meant to be a scattering of weeds gathered into a bouquet of wildflowers – teachers for willing students trying to find
Truth.
Love.
Wholeness.
Goodness. (1)
And place those on the hearth of their home. Making do.
Making Do
Making do as Bishop Michael Curry would say. Taking a little and making a lot. “Taking an old reality and making a new possibility”. (2)
Taking the unmanageable.
And making it wild and free. Fluid and ever-evolving. Ungraspable. Perpetual, unharnessable, motion. Where nostalgia must bow to the present unmanageable moment.
Can I put aside my goal sheets and metric markers for this? An opportunity for ordinary bliss? (3)
God I hope so.
God I know so.
God I surrender so.
This does not mean I cease to rest.
No.
All the more this is my quest:
To let the flow
Carry me
Through spaces of scattered weeds
With new eyes
To (finally. maybe?) see.
xo
Cheryl
Notes:
- This concept of wildflowers makes most sense in the context of my writing about dandelion lessons and perspective. You can read those blogposts here: https://cherylrostek.com/index.php/2017/04/25/dancing-in-the-dandelions/ and https://cherylrostek.com/index.php/2016/05/15/stuck-in-the-dandelion-field/
- Love Is The Way by Bishop Michael Curry.
- cf. Brene Brown: “Joy comes to us in moments – ordinary moments”
- Image: a snapshot I took dropping my daughter off at jazz band: a gift and its enjoyment an example of how to “make-do” in the unmanageable life
Your journey is harder than most, unfortunately life is unmanageable in many ways. I often look back upon mine with great sadness for events that occurred, but grateful for what those events brought to me. I became stronger in character, more dismissive of drama and more embracing of the good days I live in now. Always grateful. Hang in there Cheryl, you have lots to teach and share about this lifetime….
Thank you, Judy. And yes, the unmanageable bits of life seem to be the best teaching moments, much to my chagrin. xo
Beautiful poem, Cheryl. And something I’m learning, too…though I haven’t put it in such lovely words. 🙂
Thank you. isn’t life so much more enjoyable when we stop pretending that its supposed to be manageable?! xo
Love this post. And love you.
Mom
Thank you mom. I love you too. xo
That was lovely Cheryl. You manage the unmanageable challenge of fulfilling your desire to write poetry and prose and do such a beautiful job of sharing your at-timea unmanageable life with all of us who care about you. Big hugs girl.
Thank you Caryn. xo