It’s Fall. Since my glioblastoma brain cancer diagnosis in October 9 years ago, I have had a mixed relationship with fall. Initially I celebrated my survival anniversaries with a RahRah Cancer Survivor bravado. But this gave way to a bittersweetness as I shifted to the wilderness of long-term survivorship.

I like how Paul Kalanithi in his book When Breath Becomes Air describes this as he processes his terminal lung cancer diagnosis:

“Death is a one time event, but living with terminal illness is a process…The curse of cancer created a strange and strained existence, challenging me to be  neither blind to, nor bound by, death’s approach. Even when the cancer was in retreat, it cast long shadow.” 165 (1)

This long shadow tainted fall (formerly my favorite season) with anxiety. Anxiety I’ve tried to outrun because October is my twins’ birthdays. A celebratory month! But my body has kept the score. (2)

So this year I decided to take Buddhist monk, Pema Chodron’s advice and turn to my fear as a way of disarming it. (3) Turning and looking my glioblastoma brain cancer survivor anniversary in the eyes – not as a “beast” that I need to defeat (4). But rather with kindness for what I have learned over my 9 year survivorship.  

To honor my nine glioblastoma survivor anniversary, this year I return to the vulnerability that a brain cancer diagnosis elicits by bravely sharing with you a spiritual practice that has supported me through the “long shadow” of longterm survivorship. A spiritual practice I started after returning from a vacation in Honololu this January. 

A spiritual practice of listening to the River. 

Tomorrow, October 9, 2025 my first weekly video (of 5) outlining this spiritual practice will drop on Instagram and Facebook (5). Please join me.

 

xo

Cheryl 

 

  1. I was hesitant to read Paul Kalanithi’s book When Breath Becomes Air fearing it would be too close to my own story and unravel my nerves. Instead I felt seen as I read his wonderful words. I resonated deeply with the following quote as well, “the certainty of death was easier than this uncertain life”.
  2. If you haven’t read the ground breaking book on trauma by Bessel VanDerKolk The Body Keeps The Score go buy it now. My copy is underlined, highlighted and flagged. It is one of the few books I returned to the library and promptly purchased.
  3. A concept I learned from Chodron’s book, When Things Fall Apart 
  4. I used to refer to brain cancer as a beast I was going to defeat. This Cancer Warrior sort of rhetoric fizzled however when my energy waned and I learned a kinder approach to myself and to disease. Disease I now believe is a teacher, not a monster. If I listen to it I can learn. As I learn, longevity benefits.
  5. My videos are very far from perfect, technology and I are often at odds, but I’ve decided to post them anyhow, the best I could sort out. Thanks for understanding.