It is so good to finally feel like I am back to my normal self again. I have motivation. I have energy. I feel full of life again. And this weekend I had the great opportunity to go to Rush Youth conference in Kelowna as a youth leader with my church. There was a moment in one of the sessions where I was overcome by a full sense of contentment. I am in such a good place now and feel so blessed with all I have and my hopes and dreams for the future which I am confident God will provide (yes! I am back to dreaming about the future again!) It is so good to have been so deeply immersed in God’s presence, there is nothing like being in that place!

The song by Tim Hughes, everything, got my thoughts going this weekend. The following are some of the lyrics:

God in my living, there in my breathing
God in my waking, God in my sleeping
God in my resting, there in my working
God in my thinking, God in my speaking

God in my hoping, there in my dreaming
God in my watching, God in my waiting
God in my laughing, there in my weeping
God in my hurting, God in my healing

The lyrics proceed to say Be my everything, God, You are everything God. I feel like this past month I have gone through a lot of the things listed in this song.

Everyday I am living, I am breathing, I am waking, I am sleeping. I went through hurting and weeping over my miscarriage and the loss of my baby. From hurting I went to resting in God’s arms and resting in general because I had no motivation. While still in this season of life, I could not escape my responsibility and so I was working and I am working still. Then I proceeded to a time (that I am in right now too) of watching and waiting. Watching my body and waiting for a new pregnancy. Hoping and starting to dream again about the baby we trust God to bring us. I feel like I am being restored; that I have been restored and that the restoration continues on a daily basis and so I am being healed. And in this all it has been so good for my soul to start to blog, to think about what I want to share and to speak words that I feel God has given me.

I feel like myself again. And I am so glad God was there in my hurting, in my weeping, in my healing. I am so glad that God is here in my waiting. I am so glad that God is enabling me to hope and dream again. I am so glad that laughter has returned to my life and that God is there in that laughter.

God has been present in my life in a tangible way this last while. But this song reminds me that God is always there. He is everything we need.

At small group last night we were discussing concepts of freedom. And I was sharing how as Christ followers we have this amazing freedom, because we are free from having to measure up; Christ loves us regardless of anything we do, we don’t have to earn love. Also, we are free from the weight of burden, whether those burdens are from things we are doing that aren’t in line with the right principals that God has laid out in the bible for optimal living, or whether it’s the weight of crappy things happening in one’s life that are out of your control. We are fee to lay those burdens onto our Savior. Our Savior who will carry our burdens and us!!!!

When I talked about this someone asked if I think many people are good at doing this. He alluded that he thought probably not. And here I was struck. Seriously, Christ-followers, are you not leaning hard into God? It is at times of burden and sorrow that I understand God’s love for me the most. This past while essentially daily giving God my struggles, whether they were disappointment, frustration, wants, waiting, sorrow, this has what has helped me through. And in doing this I learned so much about my God that I didn’t know before. I am confident that what I learned about God will stay with me as I press on to a new season of expectant waiting and hopes of reformulated dreams come true. What is the point of following our Guide if we don’t let him take us and carry us when it’s just too much for us? He hasn’t asked us to do it on our own, why are we trying to?

God is everything good….are we letting him be our everything?