It feels like its been a long time since I’ve just been here writing an “update”.  I miss this place.  I love to write.  It’s my happy space where I can process, share, hopefully encourage, and also hopefully flex my vulnerability muscles.  Why haven’t I been here doing this lately?  I’m not entirely sure.  What I do know is that I’ve been pressing into reading, learning, personal and spiritual growth a lot.  The backstory for my future posts is that I have been reading personality stuff (Ennaegram particularly), I’ve been reading and listening to Brene Brown about shame, vulnerability, and courage.  I attended a relaxation class at the cancer center that taught mindfulness.  And I’ve read a book about recovering from trauma.  It feels so good to be using my brain to think and learn and analyze and apply concepts.  I very much miss those aspects from my professional life. 

If that’s the back-story, the front-story is that I’m continually exhausted.   As I make strides in reducing my anxiety and reading about trauma recovery I am able to clearer dissect what part of my fatigue is psychologically driven (post-trauma) and what is physiologically driven (brain-injury, post-cancer treatment).  Of course many of my friends who also have young children also are continually exhausted! But even with breaks from caring for my children I find myself fatigued (of course this annoys me as I used to be able to accomplish so much efficiently and have always felt napping was a waste of time….though learning about my personality has been very helpful in tackling this sort of thing).  Perhaps my oncologist will have further insight for me when I see him next month.
We did have a lovely trip in January to West Edmonton Mall where we stayed in a super cool space room!  The trip involved a day at the waterpark and a day at the rides.  My sister and brother-in-law joined us along with their 5 kids, as did my in-laws.  The kids loved the little get away and cousin time.  I enjoyed it too; but trips like that (so much commotion and noise and busy environment are certainly less enjoyable for me.)  And we’ve just returned from 10 days in California, hanging out with our friends from Saskatoon, going to Legoland, staying at the Legoland Hotel (huge highlight! That hotel is fantastic for small kids!!), and putsing around San Diego.  Travelling with 3 kids 6 and under is not for the faint of heart and is not relaxing and the kids and my husband all had colds at some point on the trip; but, it felt like a good reset for me.  When I’m on vacation I set aside everything else and only focus on what’s right in front of me (something I’m not very good at doing at home).  While physically extra exhausted from the trip I feel mentally less exhausted now (post-cancer feeling overwhelmed has been a big struggle and right now it feels under control) .  So this feels nice!
I’m currently so, so, so, so, so close to being done the first draft of the novel I’ve been working on intermittently for 10 years.  That feels real good!  It’s coming along slowly but surely (I currently am able to work on it one day a week). It’s a bucketlist need to complete before I die kinda thing, so seeing that will for sure happen is amazing!  BUT…as for the what do I do with it after????  That’s the question.  The novel has nothing to do with my cancer story, but with me being the author themes that I have learned about in my life surface in the book.  My personal mandate is to share the Hope I’ve found on my cancer journey and to spread this Hope.  If publishing and marketing my novel can help me do this, then I want to GO FOR IT!  However, this is so far beyond anything I have experience, knowledge, or natural aptitude for.  So I will somehow need to start networking to find appropriate resources.  This feels daunting; but I keep reminding myself that it is good to learn new things…beyond reading about them in books!  My husband is very supportive in this area.  (And things move slowly in my life, and that’s ok.  So as long as the momentum is moving forward, I am happy.)      
On the writing note, I also plan to start working more with my poetry.  Perhaps enter a few contests and eventually publish (self-publish or otherwise) a compilation of my poetry.
I’m really not very sure what my readership is like here; but, if any of you resources, insights, helpful experiences with the publishing world I graciously welcome them!  You can always email me at
Finally, I will leave you with the verses that I landed upon through my daily scripture reading in January.  It felt fitting that this then ought to be my verses for this year.  It has been a powerful section of scripture for me which I try to read daily.  Verse 21 is the verse that God gave my Mom when I was diagnosed with cancer. I cling to the promises of Hope, and Love, and Life in these verses and that I have a God who cares so deeply for me and battles on my behalf, and I let these verses become my prayer.  What could be better than this?!
Lamentations 3
vs. 21 “yet I still dare to hope when I remember this: The unfailing love of the LORD never ends!…Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day.”
Vs.  55 “But I called to you, LORD, from deep within the well and you heard me! You listened to my pleading and you heard my weeping! Yes, you came at my despairing cry and told me, ‘do not fear’
LORD, you are my lawyer! Plead my case! For you have redeemed my life.”
Please continue to join me in prayer asking the LORD to plead my case for a healed brain!  Ever-trusting His faithfulness and Praising Him in such Gratitude for what He has done already!   
Some more vacation pics from our time in California.


XOXO much love to you all,